In Part 1 of this article I wrote about the wall that is put up after being betrayed by someone, and the questions that are to be ask about who deserves your trust. Once you honestly believe you’ve found someone trustworthy, it is time to move forward.
Accepting the Past
Most times you’ll hear people say ‘just let go of the past’ – but what does that even mean? How do you actually let go of the past? They say ‘forget the past and move on’ which is not only easier said than done, but it is unnatural and unhealthy to simply forget everything that you’ve been through. Since you can’t easily forget it, at least do not dwell on it — but rather accept it.
Acceptance is the first step to healing. I learnt this some time ago when I found out some hurtful things that were kept a secret from me. At first, I couldn’t believe I was so foolish to not see it; I felt angry at the person for lying to me, then I felt hurt. After a while, I wanted to know every detail about everything that was kept from me. As the answers were revealed one by one, I got more and more devastated; but afterwards I was able to fully accept what happened and move on. Has that ever happened to you? Have you asked a million questions to get all the answers to somewhat comfort your emotional needs at the time? When you believe you know everything, you begin to understand and get an ease of mind; then you can finally accept it for what it is and move forward however you choose.
Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery – J.K. Rowling
You will never be able to move on from your past if you haven’t taken the time to accept it for what it was. It is never too late for acceptance. Maybe it happened years ago but still affects your present. Isn’t it about time you accept it and stop allowing it to dictate your life?
To move on, you must decide that you want to set yourself free from being a prisoner of your past. If you are serious about this change, make a conscious decision that today you are going to fully accept your past and move forward.
Take a moment to yourself and objectively look at what happened back then…
Go over it, truthfully. Don’t deny any of it. Don’t supress your feelings about it… cry once more if you need to. The past happened. Now make yourself aware that there is absolutely nothing you can do that could ever change what happened, and now the only power you have is to accept it and shape your future.
I believe our past, as dreadful as it may have been, was meant to happen the way that it did. I have been through some serious sh*t, and the only reason why I am this person today is because I didn’t fall victim to any of it. I saw it as a series of tests that were already written for me to live and learn to get where I need to be. Don’t see yourself as a victim in the situation. Having the mind-set of ‘why did it happen to me’ will only make you feel sorry for yourself and feel more hurt. Don’t blame everyone else; take some responsibility and feel the hurt and resentment fade away.
Be optimistic and see the past as something inevitable that was meant to amour you with lessons, wisdom, strength, and empowerment to take on anything the future throws at you. If anything, you now have an advantage in life to make better judgement.
Part of acceptance is accepting the person that caused you hurt for who they are and knowing who they chose to be, has nothing to do with you. No one is perfect — people make all sorts of mistakes and poor choices in life. Some are purely mentally weak and cannot resist temptations. Some are lost and cannot find their way. Some have no idea who they are, where they’re going, what they’re doing or what they want in life. Some just lack the ability to know what’s valuable and important. Some take things for granted believing it will never slip away… Some are simply blind to good things that may be looking them straight in the face… Forgive them for who they are and give up the hope that they could’ve been different.
Understand. Accept. Forgive.
In the next and last part of this article, I will discuss how to build trust again and finally enjoy a beautiful, healthy relationship.
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In case you missed it, click here for Part 1
…Keep Smiling — Love, Candace