They say, if you want to see who your true friends are, go through a tough time and see who sticks around. Over the years, I’ve lost many friends because of this; and with time I learned to easily differentiate among the real and fake ones, and what it takes to build a genuine friendship. 

When tragedy strikes, there are typically three kinds of “friend”: those who show up to genuinely make sure you are okay, those who pretend to reach out for their own peace of mind, and those who just don’t give a sh*t as long as your misfortunes doesn’t shake their world. The latter two types make me wonder—is it that they are too busy with their own lives to offer support of some sort to someone else? Are they too caught up in their own little bubble to be compassionate among humanity? Is it utter selfishness for their precious time or unwillingness to go out of their comfort zone? Or is it that they simply don’t know what it takes to be a friend?—Or even less, what it takes to be a person!

Do we still live by The Golden Rule—“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”—or do we walk with our heads held high, in our own little world, oblivious of reality, running low on compassion, thinking that tragedy will never happen to us or that the day will never come where we too will be in a challenging situation in dire need of someone… a day when karma rolls around and we find ourselves in desperate need of just anyone. 

What exactly causes someone to have such sheer thoughtlessness?

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Thank you for reading.

Smile! Life is better when you’re laughing.

Love, Candace

21 Replies to “Living By ‘The Golden Rule’”

  1. I really loved this!
    I think thay people ( myself included ) have the bad habit of seeing people struggling and say to themselves ” not my problem” and keep going about their day. It’s a slightly unconscious act of selfishness.
    Great post to get me thinking about my own actions thismorning.

    1. Thank you so much.
      Yep, I think we tend not to care much until it hits home for us. But we need to be mindful that, when…and I say ‘when’ because it is inevitable.. when it hits home, we will more than appreciate the love and support of others.
      I’m glad it got you thinking, thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂

  2. Great post and great questions. I think most of us want to be the kind of friend who shows up genuinely, but I suspect sometimes we are afraid we’ll do it wrong, look awkward, make things worse, or that our help will be unwelcome. We succumb to paralysis and do nothing. In addition to learning how to give, we sometimes also need to learn how to receive graciously.

    1. Yep, you’re right Donna–I also believe in some instances that’s the case. But I feel like we can tell who are the one’s who genuinely care and those who don’t. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂

  3. I agree with you 100%, Candace. I have been on both sides of these situations multiple times in my life, both as the person who suffered a loss, and as the friend of someone who suffered a loss. Depending on the person and depending on the situation, any one of the possible reasons you mentioned could be why people don’t reach out and offer support in someone’s time of need.

    I remember when I was in high school, a long-time friend of mine lost a family member in a car accident. I felt horrible for her and her family, but had no experience being a supportive friend in that kind of situation, so I didn’t really say much. I didn’t avoid her, but didn’t go out of my way to offer support, because I didn’t know what to say or do. As I grew up and learned how to be more supportive, I went out of my way to talk to her and said, “I hope you don’t think I’m a terrible person. I was a sh*tty friend in that situation, and I now realize how easily I could have done better for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive when you needed me.” She understood, but I still felt bad. When I was in the situation where I was the one who suffered a major loss, I really did appreciate the support I received from a lot of friends, but I also made sure to tell them that I understood if the situation was uncomfortable for them. Loss is uncomfortable and just a really confusing time for all involved, but you definitely do find out who your true friends are in times of need and times of grief. A lot of people who I thought were my good friends disappeared when I needed them most.

    I started writing a post last night that is kinda similar to this. It’s about “convenient” friends vs REAL friends. If we all really stop and think about it, I think we might be surprised how few real friends we have… and who those people are. A lot of my friends are people I met and became friends with because of the situation, not necessarily because we really had that much in common. True friends are people that you really connect with and would have been friends with regardless of how, why, or when you met. They aren’t as easy to find as some people might think. Also, it’s a bit disappointing when you start to realize that you’ve grown apart from friends you’ve known for a long time. Maybe they were real friends at one time, or maybe they were just “convenient” friends like so many others.

    1. That’s so true Danny– real friends are hard to come by.
      A couple years ago, I’d refer to everyone as a ‘friend’… but now, as I learned to differentiate between “convenient” and “real” friends, as you said, I’m much more cautious how I use that word. Now very, very few people in my life gets called a friend, the rest are just people that I know.
      Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts 🙂

      1. You’re very welcome!! 🙂 It has been disappointing for me as I’ve started to learn who my “real” friends are and who is just a “convenient” friend. People who were longtime friends of mine rarely, if ever, keep in touch anymore. I’ll take quality over quantity any day though.

  4. Great post. I, too, have come across many people like this as well. I think these types of people feel a sense of entitlement and think that their issues are always going to be far important than anyone else’s. I call these types of people toxic and they usually show their true colours in a time of despair. A measure of a fake friend is also when they never bother to reach out and automatically assume that you don’t care them, not stopping to think for a second that you could be going through something in your own life. That’s why it’s really about quality, not quantity and best to only ever gravitate towards those select few that actually get you, would go out of their way for you and are just real. You’ll know who those people are just by the vibe you get, and you will always feel happy being in their company and have an unwavering desire to always be around them and you’ll soon forget about the rest of the ‘dead weight’.

    1. Wow… I couldn’t have said it better Sarah.
      “…these types of people feel a sense of entitlement and think that their issues are always going to be far important than anyone else’s.”—That’s exactly the type I’m referring to.
      Thanks for sharing such an insight 🙂

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