One of the most absurd things I heard recently was that a friend of mine has an app on his wife’s phone that tracks her exact location and constantly informs him of her whereabouts so that she doesn’t cheat on him. I was hoping the app was for safety reasons, but turns out it was not. What ever happened to trust? Not only is it crossing the line into invasion of privacy and personal space in a relationship, but isn’t it tedious to be checking in and watching your back all the time? If someone wants to cheat on you, they will find a way to do it regardless of the measures you take to prevent it. The harsh reality is that you cannot prevent someone from cheating on you.
Instead of investing your precious time and effort on browsing through your partner’s phone, questioning and accusing them, tracking their whereabouts, digging up in their social media and stalking their WhatsApp online status, you should focus on nourishing the key elements that will strengthen your relationship and reduce the likelihood of cheating. Here are a few of those things:
- Sex, sex and more sex — It goes without saying that the biggest reason for infidelity is sexually related. Sex is a critical part of any relationship and should be made a priority. After a while, people start having scheduled sex, sex once a month, obligated sex and rewarded sex — how attractive! Doesn’t spontaneity exist anymore? Initiate sex with your partner, experiment and try new things, keep yourself looking attractive; wear flattering clothing and remind them of what they were initially attracted to. Don’t allow yourself to develop a boring sex-life — learn new things, have a secret rendezvous. If at the end of the day you are too tired, practice morning sex.
- Space and Freedom — Everyone needs to maintain a sense of self and individuality even when in relationships. It is our birth right to feel free. Sometimes people cheat to get this sense of freedom that they lack in their relationship. Most people think they need to hold onto their partner tightly so that they don’t slip away — there’s a saying about that:
“If you squeeze sand too tightly, it slips through your fingers.”
Spend time apart and give your partner space to feel free to be with friends, pursue hobbies, etc. Besides, I recently learnt that time apart regenerates that level of mysteriousness for each other, which sparks up the relationship.
- Controlling and Nagging –- Most people, especially men, are repelled when someone nags and tries to control them. At the beginning of a relationship, we might be inclined to do whatever it takes to please our partner; however as time passes, resentment for the other person develops because of this. No one likes to be told what to do. This quickly develops into destructive relationship habits such as complaining, blaming, criticising and nagging — before you even realise it, your partner is running for the door.
- Show appreciation and pay attention — one of the biggest thing that draws a couple apart is getting too comfortable after time has passed in the relationship. They begin to take each other for granted without even knowing it. They believe the person will always love them the same and will always be there – this isn’t true. Always remember to be grateful for the person you have in your life. Instead of looking at their flaws, focus at the things you love about them and let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Pay attention to them and make thoughtful gestures ever so often to show it.
- Maintain a connection — always stay emotionally connected to your partner. Make time for each other and prioritise your relationship. Set a date night once a month, go out, put away the cell phones and just enjoy each other. Talk during the day and sometimes randomly send them a nice text message.
- Become best friends — one way of knowing if your partner is your best friend is when you can be together, just the two of you, and have one heck of a time. Laugh a lot together, have inside jokes, and talk about any and everything. Be the person they confide in and share everything with. Don’t team up on them with your other friends as this creates distance between you both.
- Drop the drama — Making a spectacle of yourself and overreacting in an argument is not only unattractive, it builds up unnecessary tension and friction in a relationship. A huge turn off, especially for men, is drama. A woman who gossips and is always involved in drama pushes a man away. Men (and I suppose people in general) are drawn to calmer, less complicated environments, so be aware of the way you act.
- Bonus tip for my ladies – One way to keep your man drawn to you is to make him feel respected and appreciated by you. He needs it — he is wired that way. He gets distressed when you make him believe he has disappointed you in some way. He wants to be ‘your everything’. Give him a sense of domination — don’t belittle and ridicule him. There are three magic phrases you can say to him that will pull him closer to you rather than push him into the arms of someone else:
- “You are brilliant.”
- “You saved me.”
- “You are my hero.”
Use those on him from time to time, and I guarantee you will certainly make him feel like Your man.
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Thank you for stopping by 🙂
…Keep Smiling — Love, Candace